Crispy cole slaw


So cole slaw is technically a raw cabbage salad with “add-ins.” The kind you usually see around is the traditional cabbage, carrots and mayo. The etiology behind the food is actually Dutch. Cabbage salad is literally translated into Dutch is koolsalade.

I hear the key to make great cole slaw is to add in half the amount of mayo you’re supposed to, because as you add liquid, the veggies will actually kind of “sweat” and produce more liquid. This way, your cole slaw is not that soggy.

With that being said, I think cole slaw is fucking heinous. I don’t like mayo, nor do I like the fact that people add mayo to chopped up chicken, egg, ham, tuna, (or in my case, cabbage), and call it a “salad.” Salad = healthy-ish. Mayo immediately makes something completely unhealthy and also gross at the same time.

So again, here is my own version of cole slaw, because in my head, I should like cole slaw. I like cabbage and carrots and salad. And I’m not going to mask this like the “salad” fucker fakers above and pretend its healthy, because it’s not. It’s deep fried and delicious.

Crispy Cole Slaw
makes about twice as much as you see above

2 tablespoons cooking oil
1 head of Chinese cabbage (also known as Napa cabbage), finely chopped
4 carrots, shredded
1 teaspoon onion powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 dollops of sour cream (optional. I used tofutti brand to keep it vegan.)

Ideally you’d just turn on your Fry Daddy and drop in the finely chopped cabbage and carrots for 2 minutes, drain on paper towels, then toss with the onion powder and salt. Done. Serve. But I don’t own a personal fryer (not should I because I’d abuse the hell out of it and gain another 50 pounds) and I’m going to assume you don’t either. So here’s the way I prepared this.

Using a large wok or frying pan, heat the oil over medium-high heat (more high, because you want to slightly burn the veggies.) Throw in the carrots and cabbage and let them cook down a bunch, while occasionally stirring. Put in the onion powder and salt, and keep stirring sometimes. But don’t stir too often, because like I said, you want these a bit burned. This is what makes them crispy. It took me about 10-12 minutes to get the cabbage/carrot medley to get to this point. Serve hot, with a bit of sour cream on top if you desire some creaminess.
I would eat this with or without the sour cream. It’s awesome either way. I might have to make some more of my seitan pulled pork to go with this. It’s so summer time and perfect with anything at a BBQ. Plus it’s not gross like actual cole slaw.

By the way, a short cut: buy a bag of pre-made cole slaw and throw away the disgusting mayo dressing it comes with..


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