It’s the most wonderful (food) time of the year

..I’m having food sex right now. And I’m SOOOOO wet. I want it all inside me.

Soft shell crab. It’s the season. Short and sweet. Catch em while you can. It’s been at least 3 or 4 years since I’ve consumed any… And FUCK it’s even better than I remembered.

look at these beauties.. inducers of boners & clit boners alike. 0 discrimination; everyone is attracted to the sexiness

So I had a big exam at school today.. My last exam before our finals. I’ve got a pretty solid B in the class, but I didn’t want to screw that up. So I have been studying and stressing all damn week. I did well, and afterwards I decided I deserved some Whole Foods hot bar as a reward snack. Obviously I walk into the store at 9:15PM and hot bar is GONE!!!! So I decided I want kombucha instead. I wander my way through the back of the store, lurking the fuck out of the cheese section (alas, no samples), and right before I make it to the drink case I see the sign that stopped me dead in my tracks.

Soft Shell Crabs 50% Off! $2.99 Each

Now I forgot to mention, this entire time I am on the phone with my school boyfriend, Nate. We were talking about care plans when I saw the sign, and I suddenly and immediately got off the phone. Because that’s a fucking gooood deal on soft shell crab. I didn’t even realize it was the season since I haven’t even really thought about crab in years. But once I saw that sign, I knew.

“I’ll take 4,” I said to the dude/maybe ugly lady behind the seafood counter.

When I got home, I forget that I promised Nate I would send him some of my notes. I just whip out my flours and herbs and go to town.

kiss me

Soft Shell Crab Sammies with Lemon Aioli
serves 4, or just 1 very selfish hungry me

4 soft shell crab
1/4 cup whole wheat flour
1/4 cup corn flour (not necessary but double the wheat flour if you omit/don’t have)
2 teaspoons Old Bay
1 teaspoon cayenne pepper (omit if you’re lame and hate spicy)
oil to pan fry
2 egg yolks
1 cup olive oil
1/4 cup lemon juice
4 minced garlic cloves
salt & pepper to taste.
Top ingredients are for the crab coating and bottom for lemon aioli.

Mix the flours, old bay and cayenne together in a medium mixing bowl. Coat the crabs thoroughly. Heat oil in a pan over medium-high heat. Cook on both sides for about 5 minutes each. Remove and drain on a paper towel.

Now for the aioli, which is harder, and you should have done first, dummy. (Talking to myself…)
Whisk the egg yolks together. Then whisk the minced garlic into it. And then slowly add in the olive oil. Never stop whisking. Whisk in the lemon juice, salt and pepper. I SAID KEEP WHISKING WHY DID YOU STOP?!?
Just the olive oil portion whisking portion took at least 5 minutes. I am tired now. Nap time. Cuddle me.

This would also probably work with a food processor on a low blend that has a top opening so you don’t have to wear your arm out. And it would be smarter. I’m not dumb; I don’t own one.

Anyway, to finish up crabby sammy, slather toasted bread of your choice (mine is When Pigs Fly’s low carb whole wheat) with aioli, top with some green stuffs and crab, and more aioli. I ended up feeding the top layer of bread to the dogs.. I wanted more crab flav. If you’re lazy, forget the aioli. Instead take veganaise or mayo and mix in some lemon juice and powdered garlic. Don’t ask me for proportions, lazy fuck. I am lazy too.
If you don’t have old bay, you can create your own luscious version, because really, what else goes on crabs that’s as good?!? Nothing! It’s the Maryland in me. Old bay is basically pre-mixed celery salt, paprika, black and red pepper, and to a lesser extent, cinnamon, cardamom, ginger, nutmeg, mace. Again, don’t ask me proportions. Cayenne can be kicked up for more heat. The amount I added was perfect for just a nice kick of hot flav.

And just so you all know, I’m not a shitty (school girl)friend. Halfway through frying, after the mid-flip, I emailed Nate with the schoolwork!


2 Comments Add yours

  1. Nate says:

    Thanks for the help! Be honest you wanted to fuck those crabs as soon as you saw them.

    1. You know exactly where I rubbed those crabs… If not, here’s a hint. I rubbed them where all the rest of my crabs are. 😉

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