I’ll be honest. I’m generally the person that breaks up with the other in the relationship. I know relationships are about compromise, but there’s a few things I cannot and those are the deal breakers. My last 2 relationships fall under those categories. The one before that, was a weird situation. I blame it on timing. Those 3 boyfriends are basically all my adult life relationships. I don’t hate any of them, but perhaps I should. I think they just weren’t good situations for me.
With that being said, what’s with the guys I dump moving really fucking far away from me? First Africa/the Caribbean, then Denmark, and now most recently Florida. Is there something about me that screams “GTFO and as fast and far as possible” when I break it off? On one hand, it makes it easier to get over the guys. Knowing they’re nowhere near your proximity is awesome. But at the same time, you loved them for a reason, even if it might have been under false pretenses. So breaking up is hard, always, regardless of the fact that it was my choice that I made and what sort of person they were.
3 months ago today, I became single. I felt a rift in my relationship grow wider than it already was (Grand Canyon proportions). I said something, pretty sure I knew the answer, and he confirmed it. He felt like he was moving on. I didn’t blame him. I had already, a long time ago after the first rounds (of many) of deceit. I was not planning on staying with him when he moved to Florida, because I sure as hell was not moving to Florida, ever. Even if he didn’t move, I couldn’t be with a liar and cheater much longer anyway. The sex was great, but he disgusted me as a human being that I could no longer bring myself to even do that at the end. He knows this. I said it to his face several times when he tried to sleep with me. So that was it. I confronted him. He confirmed my suspicions, and it was over. It was sad. It was hard. But more than anything, it was a relief.
My life has changed so much in these last 3 months. I guess the biggest change is my health. I’ve quit smoking. I’ve lost over 20 pounds. I’m engaging in cardiovascular activities. Other positives are meeting new people, free drinks and dinners (yay dating!), new adventures, more time for my friends. Dating is largely terrible, but it definitely keeps things interesting.
I thought I’d miss him, but I don’t really. It’s weird. We both felt this crazy strong connection when we met, and just like fire, we were engulfed in passionate beautiful flames that went out almost as quickly as they had started. The embers smoked on for awhile, but inevitably it went cold.
I think I miss some of the intimacy and regular sex from a relationship in general, but I even get that to an extent. I’ve been sort of seeing someone I’ve known for over a year and a half. We had bad timing prior to recently, but now it’s spot on. The physical aspect is actually WAY better than my last relationship, and we keep things 100% honest… Always have. I don’t think it’ll ever turn into something serious, but it’s fun to have rendezvous, joke around about getting married, tell each other everything, and have the concurrent physical/emotional connection. It seriously feels like a best friend with benefits, like really great benefits. And at least we are honest about it all. I have come to find out that that is the trait I value most in relationships… Honesty. Something that has been missing for far too long. Not any more though. It’s the difference between boys and men.